I’m adding a few more Tai Tai descriptions to my list;

Tradeoff Tai Tai-has found the shopping and the mahjong’s boring and took up a part time job.  She’s earning a nice little income and enjoys the work.  It’s only part time but fulfilling.  She mixes with locals and has a different slant on living in Asia.  She maybe doing something related to her career but chances it is something completely different like relocation work, teaching English or selling over priced products to her fellow expatriate. 

Trying it On Tai Tai – she has had a maid – frustrated by the experience and has gone out on her own.  She is trying to do it all, the shopping, ironing, picking up the kids, homework, entertainment, laundry and after 4 months she’s out there looking for another maid.  Trying it On Tai Tai’s don’t last – they come to the conclusion it’s too hard to do ‘it’ without a maid be it part time or full time – most Tai Tai’s need a maid.

Tai Tai in Training – you always recognize these ones.  They have a stunned rabbit look and headlights for eyes.  Everything is new, exciting and wonderful.  One of my friends called them “fresh meat” because that’s how they were still oozing with enthusiasm – or as she said ‘blood’. Lasts about 2 months then they hit the wall and realize the maids a headache, the husband’s never around to talk to and their newest buddy just got notice they are being relocated to a new place.  They have plans to learn the language, go to the gym regularly, buy new furniture, and learn to play mahjong and definitely mix with the locals.  Wrong … most of it wears off and they put on weight, get frustrated with the language, hate mahjong, and quickly learn that locals will never ask them over.  

Master Tai Tai – she’s probably lived somewhere else in Asia – done this before and is married to an Expert Expat.  By now she knows which maid will be a valuable member of the family, have extensive Asian furniture and doesn’t need another piece but will still buy some.  She has the cooking mastered and can teach you a thing or two from a city she once lived in.  Plus she’s got connection is every other Asian town, so you need to talk to her before you travel.  She’s a good Tai Tai to get to know, but she may not warm to your initially because by now she has hardened and knows that most of her fellow Tai Tai expats do not stay around too long.  They move on, just like she will one day.

Following on from my previous Tai Tai blog here are my thoughts on being a Temporary and Turnabout Tai Tai;

Temporary Tai Tai - probably has been in the work force for a number of years.  She now no longer is employed.  She is a mom, and takes the children to the bus for the first few months and then realize they can leave it to the maid.  After all that’s why you have a maid. 

Temporary Tai Tai’s definitely enjoy tennis, lunches and shopping sprees in Shenzen or Bangkok.  She will be a member of expatriate women’s organization and has a husband that travels a lot.  That’s why he encourages her to enjoy the lifestyle and not work. 

Guilt runs along the belly of this wife. These are her sins: she is guilty of having the maid to look after the kids, guilty of no longer bringing in extra income, and guilty of spending husbands COLA (cost of living adjustment) …. And any other guilt you can think of. 

She will eventually have to give up this lifestyle and return to washing, ironing and cooking but for the moment she will ENJOY the guilt.

Turnabout Tai Tai – it’s just her and her husband here. She refuses to have a full time maid but still has the part time maid who does the basics and frees up her life. The part time maid probably cleans house, and prepares at least one meal for reheating later in the day. 

This Tai Tai travels more, plays bridge on Tuesdays, Mahjong on Friday, eats out Saturday night, takes up Golf in the winter and goes home in the summer to visit the grandchildren.

She continuously buys furniture and considers her life perfect and easier than the Temporary Expat because she doesn’t really have the same worries on her return home.  After all when she goes home, she can still have a cleaner come once a week, and buy pre-made meals at her favorite store Costco!

Sometime ago I wrote about the different expats that do the stint overseas.  I talked about the loco expat, the professional expat and the list goes on.  I have tried to explain to them the different types of expats that live overseas and you will find links here at my blog as well.  What I have come to realize is that there is a whole range of expat women often refereed to in Hong Kong  as ”Tai Tai”.

Tai Tai in Chinese means “woman” with it a connotation, so I need to explain this first.  A Tai Tai tends to have the means and where all to do nothing all day except spend money and shop.  They don’t cook, clean or work.  Their main object in life s to be happy.  They usually are a wife but they could also, effectively, be a ‘girlfriend’ or ‘lover’.

Super Tai Tai  (STT) – (this is a term a friend of mine used recently)

The Super Tai Tai – has loads of cash to spend and she never accounts for why she bought another original Channel Outfit when she already has 3 she has never worn.  Most Super Tai Tai’s are probably in the social pages, go to charity events that requires them to dress nicely and look expensive.  She would have a driver to take her places. No doubt she doesn’t know how to drive or has forgotten because her job is not to drive but to simply be a Tai Tai.

Super Tai Tai probably has a couple maids one to look after the children and one to take care of the house.  If she is lucky she also has a maid to take care of her clothes.  One year when we were looking for a new apartment we saw an apartment that had it’s own ’shoe room’ – talk about a Super Tai Tai luxury.  Even I had to say I was thrilled with the idea of my own shoe closet!

It is suggested that these women don’t necessarily have further education but I cannot vouch for that.  They are seen shopping in small groups – I guess they value moral support.  It is possible that the husband has another ‘wife’ and as such ensures the Super Tai Tai is rewarded accordingly i.e. nice cars, diamonds, vacations.  The joke during the 97 recession was that these Tai Tai’s shopped across the border buying ‘fake’ products and boasting about it.  I believe this activity has died down, one too many convictions have probably turned them off this shopping spree.  (Please note Super Tai Tai’s are often not expatriates)

It is not true that I dream of being a super Tai Tai or aspire to be one.  In fact I’m probably now in trouble for sharing the secrets of being a Tai Tai.

(note: this was written in 1999 or 2000 – I can’t remember exactly when but I was just reading on line someones current experience of an Amber alert so I had to put up this letter about Hong Kong and Typhoon York).

A few weeks ago we had Typhoon Sam cause destruction and chaos the worst of it being the Air China plane that landed on it’s back, killing three and injuring over 200.

Then about two weeks later we were told Typhoon Wendy was coming our way.  We waited and waited but Wendy went west.

So you can imagine when I was dashing out the door on Wednesday night to go to dinner at the Grand Hyatt with my husband’s work colleague I was not worried when our apartment guard said ‘be careful Mame a typhoon 3 signal’.  I thought ‘Yeah yeah Mr Yu I’ve heard it before’.

But at midnight as I was leaving the Hyatt I said to my  friend, as I looked out over the harbour, ‘I don’t think you will be flying tomorrow’.  He was wise and changed his plans he stayed an extra day in Hong Kong.  Mind you over two hundred flights were grounded.

I woke to what seemed a rather windy morning.  My children were clearly off by lunch time, the wind was howling and I decided to move us away from the windows.  Around 2pm we taped the windows with packing tape just in case because we had had reports of blown out windows. By now we were watching the news reports coming through every half-hour on the worsening situation.  First an amber rain warning in the morning, then it was a three, then suddenly an 8 and within the hour it became a 10.  It was that sudden and that intense.  Just like a woman giving birth for the first time.  Eleven hours of wind, wailing and water.

The boys were sick of videos, channel Pearl had the foresight to play lots of family movies.  I brought out a new addition to the train set, which made no difference to my boys, in fact, it nearly caused a riot. They had both refused to have an afternoon nap the wind was so loud.  My oldest told me he was scared, I didn’t have the heart to tell him mummy was too.

We didn’t loose our power only our satellite reception and this is because the dish upstairs as we discovered today had swung around.  Fortunately it did not look like counter parts on other buildings, an inside out umbrella, with parts missing. 

By 9pm the signal was back down to a three, though it was still fairly strong obviously not as strong as earlier.  At one stage to the horror of my oldest son I went out on the balcony to video some of the weather. I even taped a jogger with a bike helmet on running up the road avoiding one of the felled trees.  It takes all types. On the news we heard about people going down to Queens Pier to watch the waves.   I read in the paper this morning of a windsurfer who is reported missing. 

All I can say is I’m glad it is over. Today the paper was delivered, the dogs were back out on the streets with their maid, the taxi had resumed their normal fares it was if nothing had happened yesterday, life in Hong Kong had resumed.  But for me there was a stillness about Hong Kong, a creepy calm, something I have never experienced before.  Very weird. Naturally there was plenty of evidence of destruction caused by York. Trees uprooted, cars and buildings blocked by limbs, lamps broken, windows blown out, debris everywhere it was a mess. All day instead of the hum of cars we heard the hum of chain saws. It will takes weeks for the debris to be removed and weeks before we forget how York turned our day into terror behind a big glass window in Blue Pool Road Happy Valley.

Lunches in Hong Kong are a great source of swapped information between expats.  It’s also a time to talk about how you are experiencing life in your new (home) country.

My good friend who prefers to remain nameless couldn’t help but tell us that after only a year in Hong Kong she suddenly realised she had lost the ability to iron.  She like many of us has a live-in helper.  And like many of us her helper has Sunday as her day off.

One Sunday my nameless friend in a frenzy to go to a meeting realized she needed something ironed but her helper wasn’t around to do the deed.  So she got out the board and the iron set it all up and begun the small task of ironing a straight skirt when the phone rang.  And like all women she couldn’t resist the temptation to know who was on the other end.  About five minutes into the conversation lightening struck – she hadn’t turned the iron off and worse than that she hadn’t sat it upright.  So now her lovely white skirt had a lovely brown patch.

She went on to tell us that not only couldn’t she iron anymore she didn’t know how her washing machine worked.  Most washing machines here are front loader. She was unsure where to put the detergent into the machine – it took some time to find the drawer.  Once again the helper was not around and the detergent went into the wrong slot causing a lovely sudsy laundry floor.

It is not that we have become inept at these simple tasks or lazy, it’s not that we have forgotten how to do these once all too familiar jobs – I think it is a case of just having given over the authority to someone else.

We have learnt to pass the buck.  We are now spoilt.  We don’t need to worry if the shirt is ironed for that business lunch or that job interview, we know it will just be there – reappear from somewhere out of the laundry basket all crisp and clean ready to hit the street.

People are always amazed I drive in Hong Kong – they think the traffic is bad or chaotic and that I take a chance in the mayhem.  I think I take a greater chance actually crossing the road here.  Drivers seem to take no care or consider the fact people actually need to cross the road and there are few zebra crossing. Today I was nearly taken out by a speeding Grey Porsche 911.  Now I always dream of owning one but going to heaven (presuming that’s my destination) by one is not what I had in mind. It seems that the point system is alive and well in Hong Kong.  I stopped taking the children in strollers a long time ago because it takes longer to cross the road and you are a ‘bigger’ target and ‘bigger’ points.  So we usually bundle up the children in our arms when we cross the road but even then there is no respect for us.  Buses, taxis, blue trucks and private vehicles don’t seem to slow down here at intersections and NEVER stop at the few zebra crossings that exist. I think pedestrians should take classes on how to cross a road in Hong Kong.  Schools could be set up by the police, and notes given plus advice on how best to cross a road and at what time.  There is no doubt peak hour traffic does not consider the fact that children go to school around the same time and maids are crossing the road with their charges.  The maids don’t have driving skills so are unaware of the speed a car is doing (when you yourself drive you have a better understanding of the maneuvering of a car).   I am not sure why they having crossings here for pedestrians given cars don’t stop for them.  I have even been honked by traffic behind me because I stopped to let a pedestrian cross at a zebra crossing.  Well where I came from that was the whole idea and the law. Speed checks are often done around the Happy Valley racecourse – obviously trying to get that car that thinks they are in direct competition to a horse!   But they don’t seem to do speed checks at the Sing Woo, Blue Pool Road Y intersection where the cars come hurtling down into the valley, in the vicinity of no less than five schools. I think awards should be given to pedestrians for being able to navigate the streets of Hong Kong in the face of manic drivers. There is no doubt on the island if you see a space you put your foot down – give your car a reeve but look out for the pedestrian because they might be there TOO. Cars rule in Hong Kong, they say more about you than anything else.  They are washed everyday by that same little amah crossing the road with her charge, they are immediately repaired if scratched or dented, they are an indication of your status in society. So if travelling in Hong Kong – watch the road and beware Zebra crossings are not what you think they are for.  I am still trying to work out why we have them – perhaps to brighten up the road. 

When my husband got home last night he was greeted by a boot licking doorman who announced: ‘Tai Tai very mad’. Translated it means wife very mad. I am writing this letter from Hong Kong early in the morning before I, the Tai Tai, get mad again. With my youngest crying downstairs it is peaceful at the moment, compared with the noise of jackhammers and drills that I have been experiencing the last week. Our landlord (a Hong Kong family) has seen it fit to do some ‘renovations’ to three empty flats.  They worked out it would be more practical to do the work all at the same time rather than one at a time. We were give one days notice of their intentions.  Had we had warning I would have gone away.  With it being summer at the moment there is no where to go with two little boys all day. There are 15 flats in the block and eventually as they come vacant we will go through this again. We can’t move out because we won’t find a landlord that will let us have lease less than 2 years.  We could get a service apartment and five people in the average size of a serviced apartment (700 sq. ft) NO THANK  YOU.  So we are stuck in what seems a war zone. My nerves are frayed, my older child has yelled at the workers to stop making a mess and noise, my youngest by early evening is living up to the expression ’sour hour’ because he is getting no afternoon rest.  My helper complains as do I that she can’t think or make a simple decision and has repeated some of her tasks before realizing she had already done that.  I have had to put aside a course I was undertaking because I can’t concentrate on the words in front of me and by evening end I am so tired from the noise I just want to go to bed and enjoy the peace. Our tenancy agreement stipulates we are entitled to quiet enjoyment.  If three jackhammers and men breaking away tile in the next door apartment and more men repeating the same work in two other apartments in the same block is quiet enjoyment I have to say there is something wrong with this picture. I told the landlord’s representative I am bottom of the totem pole here.  I am white and female and don’t pay the rent so it is no use me complaining. Currently as the drilling has started the house vibrates and the hum of the drill is helping me loose my thoughts.  Apparently lawyers tell us they have rights to renovate because there is flooding to one apartment regularly so repairs can be done under the title of ‘major works’.   The Landlord is one of the most powerful land owners in Hong Kong – I on the other hand are a mere Tai Tai complaining of rubble in my foyer, dust in my hall way, vibration and noise – hey do they care!! TIP:  If you plan to rent in Hong Kong check that no major works or ‘renovations’ are scheduled near your apartment. 

Close to where we live (very close) are four beautiful frizzy dogs and their story goes as follows (all names and breeds have been changed to protect the innocent and me).   These four, virginal white, not too small dogs, live in an apartment much the same size as ours around 2,300 square feet.  Our four legged fiends have their own bedroom I am told, a washing machine for all their towels that are used for their ‘disposal’ and two maids to attend to their needs.  What more could a doggy want? Why they always come up in conversation is because I fear for my own children when we see these dogs. The dogs seem rather frustrated.  I guess I shouldn’t worry because their doggy paws never touch the ground and they never sniff grass so how would they get a chance to get near my boys.  Yes you read right. These dear dogs are carried everywhere.  They go for scenic drives in their very expensive German car daily, they are preened a cleaned more than my two little rascals, and they certainly eat well judging by their size.  They sound rather vivacious at times but I am sure their bark is louder than their bite or is that the other way round.  You ask how is this? My simple answer is: that is Hong Kong!  Weird but wonderful, exotic and extreme, bizarre and bewildering, I am not here to question the cultural difference, just to report.  I think it is just the cultural behavior of another person in this world.  More to the point a practice not observed by anyone else, I know.  As I write this I too even find it hard to believe that these dogs, assisted by helpers, are carried from their doorstep to a driver and car taken on a daily outing.   I have discussed this option as an alternative to keeping my boys clean. I just don’t think a drive in lieu of a play at the playground is going to fly here.  Remember I’m just reporting not judging. Believe me you see all shapes and sizes of dogs going in the elevator for their walk.  Unlike these white frizzy dogs most do go for walks. sigh….

Now that we are back in the US and I am posting these old articles I wrote about Hong Kong it really is great to reflect on our life there.  Actually it’s probably more useful to look at how our life there has influenced our life in the US.

In Hong Kong we had a maid.  Merla the Maid did everything it seems.  At times I would request that she not do some things.  I remember asking that the children bring there own plates to the kitchen.  I remember that she leave tasks for me to do.  I knew eventually I would return to the US and it would be left to me to do that again.  I certainly got into her cooking though – she was a great cook and as much as I enjoy cooking I gave that up.  It’s taken me a while to return to desire to create a meal.

I think the most enjoyable part of Hong Kong was that I was living in a city that buzzed constantly.  There was always something going on.  No part seemed to sleep.  There was always a sense of urgency in the air.  When I first came back to Silicon Valley it seemed so much quieter  here.  Now I find Silicon Valley too rushed and too fast and am ready to find a slower pace.  After nearly 5 years in Hong Kong I have the feeling I have done my big city living and will not take that on again.

We ate a lot of Chinese food.  I should say a lot of good Chinese food.  If I see Lemon Chicken on a menu here in the US I know I’m not in a true Chinese restaurant.  I’m in a restaurant catering to Gweilos.  In China I’ve tried, turtle, snake, wild rabbit and probably other animals.  I’ve been presented with peacocks tongues and duck webs – that’s the web of a ducks feet.  I’ll be honest even I couldn’t try that.  And of course Sea Urchin – which I hear is a delicacy reserved for the guest and most Chinese don’t like it.  Weird.  So yes Lemon Chicken is not my idea of a true Chinese meal.  I feel my children will eat Chinese before western food. 

Do I miss Hong Kong?  No not really, I’m here now in the heart of Silicon Valley and enjoying this now.  Did I like Hong Kong?  I did.  It did however depend what day it was.  There were good days and there were bad days.  And then there were typical Hong Kong days.  What is that you may ask?  A typical Hong Kong day is when the maid now forgets how to speak English, the guard at the front desk just cannot help you because you are the wife but the husband can get it down, the day the taxi driver takes you everywhere but where you really want to go.  Do I get them here in the US – sometimes but nothing compared to Hong Kong.

 Ahh Hong Kong – you have so much to offer it’s the attitude that sometimes gets you in trouble.  Relax, enjoy and learn to have FUN.