Only in Hong Kong

Some years back I went to Government House for a Wine Tasting and silent Auction.  I helped out during the day in setting up the event.  It was a real treat for me to go into this place with hardly anyone around and have a feel for such an historical home.

 

The most interesting thing about it was that this place was so similar to buildings in my hometown Melbourne.  It has the flavour of old Treasury House in Melbourne, and a déjà vu of the Windsor Hotel. The Governors home in Sydney is somewhat similar.  In any event the architect of the house must have had the same influences of many of those old ‘British’ style buildings.

 

It’s quite different influence than say Macau where you get déjà vu for say Spain.  Let us not forget Hanoi where you think of Paris.

 

In any event it was lovely night and the elegance of the room will stay with me for a long time. 

 

The pleasant surprise for me was to taste to wines from home I did not know about – one from Tasmania an excellent Riesling.  I also tasted a wine from the Frankland River area in WA.  I tend to stick to Australian wines and am quite partial to Sonoma and South African.  I feel I have less knowledge of French and Italian.  And it seems all those Friday night dinners with my ex flat mate Rob of Beef and Burgundy Fame are paying off. 

 

Now only in Hong Kong can I boast I bought a silent auction package for half its value and sold one of the Pashmina shawls that night thereby reducing my expenses!!  After the entire package had too many shawls and I didn’t need three but I do need the facial and the personal trainer!!

Rainy days – go away

Ten days of rain is enough for anyone but for me it brought back memories of California the year my second boy was born.  The rain didn’t stop then for nearly a month and I remember my mother taking my older one out in the stroller during moments of sunshine.

 

Here in Hong Kong last week the moments of sunshine were not as often but interestingly enough it also occurred.  You would have a massive down pour and twenty minutes later the sun was out the clouds had gone and you could see way into the distance of Aberdeen Harbour.  If you blinked twice it was all gone and the rain was back with vengeance.

 

New comers were asking if this was normal summer weather?  I guess we could all argue global warming as Mr Bush educates us with his current stance on the situation.  But it seems friends who have lived here longer have seen it before.  I do remember hearing that the handover in July of 1997 was a washout.  And the first and only time my brother has come to visit in 1998 – it was a black rain storm weekend but we were unaware and still ventured out to Stanley for shopping.

 

This last week we never got Black rain signals only Amber and Red were hoisted.  Depending on the time of day the red is hoisted school is closed and a as result your principal will call and tell you it’s time to collect the children.  The school buses don’t return them and for some this must be prove cumbersome.  For me it meant taking the little 121 out to collect two boys but on the way the rain was so heavy it created a short and the car alarm kept going.  I had visions of roadside assistance, explaining to police why my car was stranded, the thoughts ran on and on.  Fortunately none of it came true and I managed to gather my children up and ride home with flashing lights and alarm blaring.  Oh what fun.

 

There are all degrees of rain warnings here and for quite valid reasons.  Some people question the timing of when the warnings are given out and some wonder why we have them.  But I have heard through the urban legend grapevine that once a school bus got stranded under a bridge and supposedly some children died.

 

The lesson I learnt this week is it’s hard to explain to a four-year-old that just because it’s raining today we can’t go to school.  I think he’s going to be like the Unionist at Loy Yang when we return to California  - “mum there is a drop of rain on the newspaper out in the yard – NO SCHOOL TODAY”.

 

Revolving door friends

Some days I have to stop and ask myself did I mention that to my husband?  He travels so much that sometimes I forget if I informed him of a dinner invitation, child’s milestone or unpaid bill.  One year I forgot to tell him about a Ball I was co-chairing – so I took a date instead of him.

 

I often think of my husband as a friend first, husband second.  We have known each other over 25 years and married only 5 years ago.  This makes living this weird expat life easier I feel, because we have similar interests and old friends – the rest seems so incidental to our life at times.

 

Especially the new friends we are making.  I know he has a hard enough time to keep up with who these new friends are.  I will mention someone’s name and he looks quizzical at me as if to say “should I know them?”.  Sometimes I wonder if he should and other times I have to stop and think has he even met them since living here?

 

So often conversations are filled with tit bits to bring him in the picture with what I’m planning for us.  It is usually necessary for me to preface my story with how we know the person.

 

I think that in our time of living here we have met many people and I for one has met even more.  We have also seen many people leave and just disappear it seems, gone to another country without a question or a good bye.

 

Last year it seemed the doors were not revolving doors but more like swinging doors.  In / out went our friends in a matter of three months early 2000.  This year it has been less perhaps I have become more cautious in whom I select as someone we should socialize with.  Perhaps it has become more obvious to me who is definitely on the move and who is staying long term.   It is also obvious to me that those that are hear for the long haul often do not associate with short-term assignees.

 

The doors that open with all sorts of friends are varied.  Expats who have done it before, first timers at this game, dinks, expats with kids, empty nesters, singles and let us not forget the newly weds all trying in another country.  I have found that a great deal of the people that try this type of life tend to have a spouse from another country i.e. he’s American she’s German.  It makes sense to send these people overseas they have the travel bug already.

 

Revolving door friends is hard on some people; you feel you are repeatedly telling your life story.  Sometimes I feel like putting a tape in a machine and just fast forward to the appropriate answer to the question the new friend is asking.  

 

This lifestyle takes its toll on some so think twice if you are thinking of doing this, divorce is not uncommon and there is talk of an Expat Spouse Syndrome. I recommend you find books on your new home and read up on what to expect and what not.

 

Some people meet a good buddy once they arrive in their new home and that helps.  I’ve made lots of good friends but my “bestest” friend is my husband. He is often on the road but when he comes home we make time to catch up over dinner at our little club. 

 

If you see us at the Aviation club you’ll know not to interrupt because we’ll be catching up on what’s happened the last week. 

 

Ironing out the Wrinkles

Lunches in Hong Kong are a great source of swapped information between expats.  It’s also a time to talk about how you are experiencing life in your new (home) country.

 

My good friend who prefers to remain nameless couldn’t help but tell us that after only a year in Hong Kong she suddenly realised she had lost the ability to iron.  She like many of us has a live-in helper.  And like many of us her helper has Sunday as her day off.

                  

One Sunday my nameless friend in a frenzy to go to a meeting realized she needed something ironed but her helper wasn’t around to do the deed.  So she got out the board and the iron set it all up and begun the small task of ironing a straight skirt when the phone rang.  And like all women she couldn’t resist the temptation to know who was on the other end.  About five minutes into the conversation lightening struck – she hadn’t turned the iron off and worse than that she hadn’t sat it upright.  So now her lovely white skirt had a lovely brown patch.

 

She went on to tell us that not only couldn’t she iron anymore she didn’t know how her washing machine worked.  Most washing machines here are front loader. She was unsure where to put the detergent into the machine – it took some time to find the drawer.  Once again the helper was not around and the detergent went into the wrong slot causing a lovely sudsy laundry floor.

 

It is not that we have become inept at these simple tasks or lazy, it’s not that we have forgotten how to do these once all too familiar jobs – I think it is a case of just having given over the authority to someone else.

 

We have learnt to pass the buck.  We are now spoilt.  We don’t need to worry if the shirt is ironed for that business lunch or that job interview, we know it will just be there – reappear from somewhere out of the laundry basket all crisp and clean ready to hit the street.

 

Added Dimension

It’s been a busy week, with another friend flying in from Sydney for a few days.  Along with all the local tourist trap visits and a ferry to Macau, we have been digging up old stories and swapping catch-up ones.  It’s been emotional, with a lot of talk of a loved one who took his life and stories about friends no longer in my circle.  But that’s the nature of Hong Kong: people breeze in, stir up your emotions and then fly off to another exotic destination. On Friday a good friend I made here and have known almost the whole time we’ve lived in Hong Kong returns to the US.  This is more of the same and the nature of living here.  Friends from your background come and visit, friends you’ve made here leave. When it comes to friends, there is nothing constant about this kind of lifestyle.Sure I go back to my apartment, check on my boys, check the mail and get on with my life.  But the emotion and the upheaval created when a friend blows into town sure is different from life in the ‘burbs of Melbourne, Sydney or California.  It sure stirs the memories of loved ones and great times.  It reminds you of what you are missing from home: the dimension of a past.My friend felt that it must be hard to leave home to live somewhere else because of a husband’s ambition or your love for him.  This, she said, “gives your life an added dimension”.And that it does – I have met people from all over the world struggling with the same issues that I do living in Asia. Let me count the ways:I have shared my evening meal with five or six different nationalities.  I have invited strangers into my house because they too were in need of a family atmosphere (US Navy men).  I have traveled and seen poverty, reminding me of how fortunate I really am.  I have mastered communication skills that do not involve words.  I have found that women are truly the center of the melting pot.  I have found that children are a great introduction to strangers who do not know your language.I have learned to be resourceful so that depression and loneliness does not set in.I have realized that not everyone can live this lifestyle and can make it a living hell for their spouse.I have seen people make loads of money and live extraordinary lives here.I have learned to cope without family and husband at times and come to understand and cherish my friends who have been single mums.I have become outspoken on issues that are dear to me because it does matter and I can make a difference.I have learned that your immediate family becomes stronger because you depend on them for your love.I have learned to become organized, because what was here today might be gone tomorrow.I have learned to move on, especially as friends leave.And so goes another day for me …. My friend came, she breezed around and she left. May her next port of call be as interesting as it has been for me? 

Zebra Crossing

People are always amazed I drive in Hong Kong – they think the traffic is bad or chaotic and that I take a chance in the mayhem.  I think I take a greater chance actually crossing the road here.  Drivers seem to take no care or consider the fact people actually need to cross the road and there are few zebra crossing. Today I was nearly taken out by a speeding Grey Porsche 911.  Now I always dream of owning one but going to heaven (presuming that’s my destination) by one is not what I had in mind. It seems that the point system is alive and well in Hong Kong.  I stopped taking the children in strollers a long time ago because it takes longer to cross the road and you are a ‘bigger’ target and ‘bigger’ points.  So we usually bundle up the children in our arms when we cross the road but even then there is no respect for us.  Buses, taxis, blue trucks and private vehicles don’t seem to slow down here at intersections and NEVER stop at the few zebra crossings that exist. I think pedestrians should take classes on how to cross a road in Hong Kong.  Schools could be set up by the police, and notes given plus advice on how best to cross a road and at what time.  There is no doubt peak hour traffic does not consider the fact that children go to school around the same time and maids are crossing the road with their charges.  The maids don’t have driving skills so are unaware of the speed a car is doing (when you yourself drive you have a better understanding of the maneuvering of a car).   I am not sure why they having crossings here for pedestrians given cars don’t stop for them.  I have even been honked by traffic behind me because I stopped to let a pedestrian cross at a zebra crossing.  Well where I came from that was the whole idea and the law. Speed checks are often done around the Happy Valley racecourse – obviously trying to get that car that thinks they are in direct competition to a horse!   But they don’t seem to do speed checks at the Sing Woo, Blue Pool Road Y intersection where the cars come hurtling down into the valley, in the vicinity of no less than five schools. I think awards should be given to pedestrians for being able to navigate the streets of Hong Kong in the face of manic drivers. There is no doubt on the island if you see a space you put your foot down – give your car a reeve but look out for the pedestrian because they might be there TOO. Cars rule in Hong Kong, they say more about you than anything else.  They are washed everyday by that same little amah crossing the road with her charge, they are immediately repaired if scratched or dented, they are an indication of your status in society. So if travelling in Hong Kong – watch the road and beware Zebra crossings are not what you think they are for.  I am still trying to work out why we have them – perhaps to brighten up the road. 

Tai Tai very mad

When my husband got home last night he was greeted by a boot licking doorman who announced: ‘Tai Tai very mad’. Translated it means wife very mad. I am writing this letter from Hong Kong early in the morning before I, the Tai Tai, get mad again. With my youngest crying downstairs it is peaceful at the moment, compared with the noise of jackhammers and drills that I have been experiencing the last week. Our landlord (a Hong Kong family) has seen it fit to do some ‘renovations’ to three empty flats.  They worked out it would be more practical to do the work all at the same time rather than one at a time. We were give one days notice of their intentions.  Had we had warning I would have gone away.  With it being summer at the moment there is no where to go with two little boys all day. There are 15 flats in the block and eventually as they come vacant we will go through this again. We can’t move out because we won’t find a landlord that will let us have lease less than 2 years.  We could get a service apartment and five people in the average size of a serviced apartment (700 sq. ft) NO THANK  YOU.  So we are stuck in what seems a war zone. My nerves are frayed, my older child has yelled at the workers to stop making a mess and noise, my youngest by early evening is living up to the expression ’sour hour’ because he is getting no afternoon rest.  My helper complains as do I that she can’t think or make a simple decision and has repeated some of her tasks before realizing she had already done that.  I have had to put aside a course I was undertaking because I can’t concentrate on the words in front of me and by evening end I am so tired from the noise I just want to go to bed and enjoy the peace. Our tenancy agreement stipulates we are entitled to quiet enjoyment.  If three jackhammers and men breaking away tile in the next door apartment and more men repeating the same work in two other apartments in the same block is quiet enjoyment I have to say there is something wrong with this picture. I told the landlord’s representative I am bottom of the totem pole here.  I am white and female and don’t pay the rent so it is no use me complaining. Currently as the drilling has started the house vibrates and the hum of the drill is helping me loose my thoughts.  Apparently lawyers tell us they have rights to renovate because there is flooding to one apartment regularly so repairs can be done under the title of ‘major works’.   The Landlord is one of the most powerful land owners in Hong Kong – I on the other hand are a mere Tai Tai complaining of rubble in my foyer, dust in my hall way, vibration and noise – hey do they care!! TIP:  If you plan to rent in Hong Kong check that no major works or ‘renovations’ are scheduled near your apartment. 

Dogs Life

Close to where we live (very close) are four beautiful frizzy dogs and their story goes as follows (all names and breeds have been changed to protect the innocent and me).   These four, virginal white, not too small dogs, live in an apartment much the same size as ours around 2,300 square feet.  Our four legged fiends have their own bedroom I am told, a washing machine for all their towels that are used for their ‘disposal’ and two maids to attend to their needs.  What more could a doggy want? Why they always come up in conversation is because I fear for my own children when we see these dogs. The dogs seem rather frustrated.  I guess I shouldn’t worry because their doggy paws never touch the ground and they never sniff grass so how would they get a chance to get near my boys.  Yes you read right. These dear dogs are carried everywhere.  They go for scenic drives in their very expensive German car daily, they are preened a cleaned more than my two little rascals, and they certainly eat well judging by their size.  They sound rather vivacious at times but I am sure their bark is louder than their bite or is that the other way round.  You ask how is this? My simple answer is: that is Hong Kong!  Weird but wonderful, exotic and extreme, bizarre and bewildering, I am not here to question the cultural difference, just to report.  I think it is just the cultural behavior of another person in this world.  More to the point a practice not observed by anyone else, I know.  As I write this I too even find it hard to believe that these dogs, assisted by helpers, are carried from their doorstep to a driver and car taken on a daily outing.   I have discussed this option as an alternative to keeping my boys clean. I just don’t think a drive in lieu of a play at the playground is going to fly here.  Remember I’m just reporting not judging. Believe me you see all shapes and sizes of dogs going in the elevator for their walk.  Unlike these white frizzy dogs most do go for walks. sigh….

Bargained Transient

When I first came to Hong Kong I cried a fair bit because I missed home, I missed my friends and the thought of making new ones again seemed all too daunting.  I think I hadn’t realized what I had bargained for in agreeing to this assignment.  I remember my first Hong Kong neighbor saying don’t worry you will settle in it takes about two years.  I also remember thinking I doubt I’ll be here in two years.

Three years later and it is only now have I that feeling I have made friends and this is with people who are new to Hong Kong.  This is because the spouses all have dinned together and knew their names.  It sure helps if you are not driving somewhere new with husband saying the following:

“His name is blah blah he works for X Company and her name is Thingyand you have met her at so and so’s place last month but you don’t know him”.

Or as one of my friends said when she told her husband whom she had invited to dinner – “don’t worry you don’t have to remember their names they are leaving soon.”

Hong Kong is a bit like that – people come and go but more than that you might live here three years and only socialize with one couple who has lived here the same amount of time once in your brief sojourn here.

Hong Kong is transient and as against home where you probably socialize with the same crowd regularly this is not the case here. 

Reflections of Hong Kong

Now that we are back in the US and I am posting these old articles I wrote about Hong Kong it really is great to reflect on our life there.  Actually it’s probably more useful to look at how our life there has influenced our life in the US.

In Hong Kong we had a maid.  Merla the Maid did everything it seems.  At times I would request that she not do some things.  I remember asking that the children bring there own plates to the kitchen.  I remember that she leave tasks for me to do.  I knew eventually I would return to the US and it would be left to me to do that again.  I certainly got into her cooking though – she was a great cook and as much as I enjoy cooking I gave that up.  It’s taken me a while to return to desire to create a meal.

I think the most enjoyable part of Hong Kong was that I was living in a city that buzzed constantly.  There was always something going on.  No part seemed to sleep.  There was always a sense of urgency in the air.  When I first came back to Silicon Valley it seemed so much quieter  here.  Now I find Silicon Valley too rushed and too fast and am ready to find a slower pace.  After nearly 5 years in Hong Kong I have the feeling I have done my big city living and will not take that on again.

We ate a lot of Chinese food.  I should say a lot of good Chinese food.  If I see Lemon Chicken on a menu here in the US I know I’m not in a true Chinese restaurant.  I’m in a restaurant catering to Gweilos.  In China I’ve tried, turtle, snake, wild rabbit and probably other animals.  I’ve been presented with peacocks tongues and duck webs – that’s the web of a ducks feet.  I’ll be honest even I couldn’t try that.  And of course Sea Urchin – which I hear is a delicacy reserved for the guest and most Chinese don’t like it.  Weird.  So yes Lemon Chicken is not my idea of a true Chinese meal.  I feel my children will eat Chinese before western food. 

Do I miss Hong Kong?  No not really, I’m here now in the heart of Silicon Valley and enjoying this now.  Did I like Hong Kong?  I did.  It did however depend what day it was.  There were good days and there were bad days.  And then there were typical Hong Kong days.  What is that you may ask?  A typical Hong Kong day is when the maid now forgets how to speak English, the guard at the front desk just cannot help you because you are the wife but the husband can get it down, the day the taxi driver takes you everywhere but where you really want to go.  Do I get them here in the US – sometimes but nothing compared to Hong Kong.

 Ahh Hong Kong – you have so much to offer it’s the attitude that sometimes gets you in trouble.  Relax, enjoy and learn to have FUN.