I’m adding a few more Tai Tai descriptions to my list;

Tradeoff Tai Tai-has found the shopping and the mahjong’s boring and took up a part time job.  She’s earning a nice little income and enjoys the work.  It’s only part time but fulfilling.  She mixes with locals and has a different slant on living in Asia.  She maybe doing something related to her career but chances it is something completely different like relocation work, teaching English or selling over priced products to her fellow expatriate. 

Trying it On Tai Tai – she has had a maid – frustrated by the experience and has gone out on her own.  She is trying to do it all, the shopping, ironing, picking up the kids, homework, entertainment, laundry and after 4 months she’s out there looking for another maid.  Trying it On Tai Tai’s don’t last – they come to the conclusion it’s too hard to do ‘it’ without a maid be it part time or full time – most Tai Tai’s need a maid.

Tai Tai in Training – you always recognize these ones.  They have a stunned rabbit look and headlights for eyes.  Everything is new, exciting and wonderful.  One of my friends called them “fresh meat” because that’s how they were still oozing with enthusiasm – or as she said ‘blood’. Lasts about 2 months then they hit the wall and realize the maids a headache, the husband’s never around to talk to and their newest buddy just got notice they are being relocated to a new place.  They have plans to learn the language, go to the gym regularly, buy new furniture, and learn to play mahjong and definitely mix with the locals.  Wrong … most of it wears off and they put on weight, get frustrated with the language, hate mahjong, and quickly learn that locals will never ask them over.  

Master Tai Tai – she’s probably lived somewhere else in Asia – done this before and is married to an Expert Expat.  By now she knows which maid will be a valuable member of the family, have extensive Asian furniture and doesn’t need another piece but will still buy some.  She has the cooking mastered and can teach you a thing or two from a city she once lived in.  Plus she’s got connection is every other Asian town, so you need to talk to her before you travel.  She’s a good Tai Tai to get to know, but she may not warm to your initially because by now she has hardened and knows that most of her fellow Tai Tai expats do not stay around too long.  They move on, just like she will one day.

I’ve lived away from Hong Kong nearly six years now and yet it sometimes seems like yesterday I was an expat in Hong Kong.

There is a part of me that can still bring to the surface the right snappy tone to get my point across as a real Tai Tai.  You know what I mean if you have lived in Hong Kong.  There are days you just have to pull out the trump card to get what you want.  It took me a few months before I realized what the trump card was and it may have taken some coaching from some more seasoned expats.  You only use this card in emergency situations and the card is “My Husband Said”

It is amazing what happens when you tell the door man or the handyman that the man of the house required some work to be done and really your job was just to please the man of the house!  There were many days that my husband had no idea what he had ‘ordered’ be corrected or fixed that day.  He would come home and ask what the magic words had created that day.  I loved it, it was like holding the key to Aladains Lamp.  Doormen would just to attention when I started a sentence with “my husband said’ – however it never got the bank to tell me what our bank balance was!  I guess my ranting about having had his babies just wasn’t as powerful as me saying “My husband said….”

I have been here nearly three years and have learnt very little Cantonese.

I can get home – I know my address, suburb and apartment block number.  I can say this one and stop! Most Taxi drivers who speak English will congratulate me on my pronunciation.  I am told my pronunciation is very nice and that’s because I’ve had years of practice.  I have attempted to learn, up the hill, to the left and private road.  But my brain just seems to cope with the address and that’s it.

For nearly three years I have been using the wrong form of thank you.  I was taught the polite way by one of the guards only to learn I was saying the thank you, you should use when receive money.  Great mate!

For five months I had a Mandarin teacher.  I was told Mandarin was easier to learn than Cantonese. Cantonese has 9 tones, Mandarin only three.  But I stopped the lessons once I learned the most helpful bit that being: “How much is that” and how to negotiate in RMB prices.  I needed to go bargain shopping in Beijing.  A useful tool I can assure any expat wife!

My children are learning Mandarin and school and I believe it is working because recently one of them pointed to a Chicken in the market and gave the Mandarin name for it.  Totally took me by surprise but made me realise that perhaps they are learning more than I thought.

They go to school with other local children; it is an English based school.  I allow certain television programs to be viewed in Cantonese.  So even though we are not sure, my husband and I believe that they must know some basic words.  My husband certainly distinguishes the swear words, having pointed out that that is what one of our neighbours was swearing when our children made too much noise in the foyer.  I think he has learnt these in office conversation class II.

I really have no excuse for not wishing to learn more.  I have the time, some might say, I have the ability to learn languages as I speak two other foreign languages. I have little need now days for my Dutch or German. I am known to reprimand my children in Dutch. More recently here when I was conversing with a German in German he asked if I was Dutch.  Apparently my German has a Dutch accent.   Funny that.

So all in all after nearly three years in Hong Kong I decided a long time ago I just needed to know in Cantonese, where I live so I can always get home.  At home I have English TV programs, videos, cable channels, newspapers & friends so I have no need to learn Cantonese.    But I could do with a good bit of SBS to keep up my other languages.

Xiajian Saskia

I’ve not been back to Hong Kong in over five years.  I’ve returned to Australia during that time, but when I left Hong Kong I knew I really had no desire to return.  I have friends in Hong Kong who have returned numerous times after their expat assigments had ended.

My reasons for not returning are numerous.  It was time for me to leave I was getting angry with the locals, if one more person pushed or shoved me in the street or stood in front of me as I waiting for a traffic light to change I think I was going to yell.  My tolerance level had reached boiling point.  It was either me or them that had to go and i guess it was me!  Sad but true.  I had been warned before by other expats that they had got to this same breaking point.  I wonder if this is a naturally point at which expats come to when living in a country they are not toally accepted or welcome in.

There have been times I’ve considered returning for a visit because my children want to go back and see places they remember.  They want to visit their old pre-school, Ocean Park and markets that hold memories for them.  I can handle that I feel but go back and do the expat thing not quite belong to the community? I don’t think so.

My husband has been travelling for weeks it seems.  Last week he was in town so I made a doctors appointment, finally, for him to see a skin specialist the GP had recommended he see some 6 weeks prior. 

The GP gave us the contact name and number; I called that contact number only to find out we needed to go to the specialist’s rooms in town.  Not a problem I made the contact with this doctor who we shall call Wang.  I explained to the receptionist the booking was for my travelling husband.  Fine so we made the booking for the week he would be back.

Husband was relieved to be finally seeing someone about what looks like a touch of skin cancer.  I too was relieved husband was in town long enough to make time to see a doctor, let alone us.

So the Thursday after his return he went to Doc Wang.  About ten minutes after the designated appointment he called to let me know that I had sent him to the wrong Wang.  Not to worry this Dr Wang new the other Dr Wang and even gave husband the address and contact details.

I have made a new appointment for husband with the write Wang but due to weather conditions here in Hong Kong he hasn’t seen him yet and is now as I write on his way to Shanghai for a week.

I felt for sure when I had called directory for the phone number that I had said the right Wang – on finding the original card the GP had given us for the referral I discovered it was they who had given us the wrong Wang. 

Given the original doctor said to husband that it happened all the time, I would have thought his receptionist would have asked some more probing questions.  Perhaps like the Banks here they are not quite sure which wife you might be, the first or the other wife!

In any event I have learnt when getting referrals just check you are going to the right place.  Next time we might end up with a limb missing that never needed to be gone!  But I guess it’s one better than the guy who wasn’t put under sufficiently during his operation to then overhear his surgeon ‘buying a car’ on his mobile while operating on him.  I have an image of a surgeon scalpel in one hand phone in the other – shivers.

I think that case is still in court!

Well I returned home last week and I’ve been faced with writing a letter from Hong Kong and it’s like what do I say….  What do I write about?  What do my readers want to hear about?  I really find it hard, writers block I guess.

It is so mixed when I return from any place where my children can walk barefoot on the grass, breathe relatively fresh air and get fun out of watering the lawn.  Here life is full of what TV shows, coloring books and videos. The thought of going to the park (Concrete Park) is exhausting, and even if we did go the boys would be telling me that it’s too hot.

The first three days I stayed home, apart from avoiding the heat also the rush.  In the US someone accidentally bumped me and they apologized.  I knew I was definitely in reaction to the whole thing because I thanked them for apologizing.  Here bumping and pushing is all part of the process of going somewhere.

Asia has a calling to most people, and I hear that you will long for it when you go home.  But after 2.5 weeks in the US I was dreading the call.

I’ve learnt to push and shove to get a seat on the rail.  One of my friends says she knows she was here too long when she grabbed a little old lady, who was stealing her taxi and told her to wait for her own!  Shock, horror but after living here a while you will understand why she did it.  One of my friends showed off a fabulous bruise down the front of her forearm fighting off the umbrella of perhaps the same little old lady.  Motto: watch out for little old ladies in Hong Kong.  They have been here longer and know how to get their own seat or taxi at the cost of nothing, perhaps your pride.

On return from the US I had a number of email from readers looking at living here.  The question’s varied from how to get a job to can you live on a house boat in Hong Kong.  I am happy to answer questions via email. I also look forward to meeting Liza who will be joining the expat ranks.

Hong Kong is the New York of Asia I think.  You can have good days and bad days.  You meet some wonderful caring people and some you wonder what happened to them that made them so mad.

Just before we left on home leave we entertained four Navy personnel from the Cushing.  It was such a lovely evening, very interesting and pleasurable.  My husband and I felt that if we had never lived here we would never have had this wonderful experience.  To hear about their lives on board, the places they had served and the type of work they do was fascinating.  It was a pleasant break from fighting off little old ladies wielding umbrellas.

When I turned 36 in Sydney I celebrated my birthday at the London Hotel in Balmain.  You know the one with the wrought iron balcony and the best view of The Bridge a pub can offer.  It only came to my attention as I was thanking my friends for being there that night they were all MEN.  Now I don’t mean to boast but for a bachelorette in Sydney I was doing quite well.  At that dinner of 9 men only two were gay and the rest were single.  I remember turning to two girls sitting at a nearby table and suggesting they join in.  Needless to say my bachelor flat mate made sure that evening those girls were not too jealous.

Why do I write about this you say? What has this got to do with Hong Kong? Who is interested in my former life?  The reason is simple.

In the last month I have had two conversations with friends here about the lack of male friends.  This conversation took place with other female friends who too were used to spending time with men.  There are many women who just gravitate to male company as against spending time with women.  Those people survive here but after a while you start to notice the lack of men in your life.

Sure I have three men in my life, but a three-year-olds conversation is a little different from a thirty-year-olds conversation.  In the past I have had no issue with my husband if I go out with my male buddies, in fact in Sydney last year I even slept in the same room as my old room mate.  I can’t imagine life without some of these men but here in Hong Kong I have no choice.

The best male friend I have is my husband; we are old friends going back twenty years, who then got married.  So we have lots of common interests and stories.  But even here in Hong Kong he’s not around to chat with.  My friends are now female and outings, dinners and lunches are often all female based. 

I go to lunches held by the AWA (American Women’s Association) and if you see a man there you presume he’s the guest speaker.  If you see a man in the company of a woman you know, you automatically presume they have company.  We are a member of a dinner group but more than often I go on my own, because Peter travels, and why I go is I long for that ‘male’ input into conversations.

I do have a male friend here and this is so unusual. The two women I was talking to about the lack of male company were completely jealous when I told them that I have a male friend here.  Stuart my single male friend has been most helpful to our family.  I’ve rung him up to fix a cupboard, hang a picture and even pretend to be Santa because Dad just wasn’t around to take a call from my oldest as to why didn’t get a train in his gift bag at the Mall!

So if you are planning on coming to Hong Kong as an expat be warned this is a top-heavy female place with Men being the novelty because they are AT WORK.

I was invited to dinner at a friend’s place last night.  I’ve known my friend for over a year in Hong Kong.  We have mutual friends in the US, through his mother. As his mother was in town I was invited to dinner.

Professor, as I shall call him, has never invited me over to his place. We have always extended our hospitality to our home mostly so he would have a good home cooked meal and learn mahjong.  We have spent many hours eating, drinking and ponging.  So it was with great delight I was able to accept his kind offer for dinner at his place.

Professor has often spoken about his place and joked about it’s size, and in our ‘year’ friendship I have helped him by finding a dining room table for him, one that folds in half, some art work and other bits and pieces.  So I was looking forward to seeing his small but humble abode in Mid Levels with the supposedly wonderful view.

I arrived a little late; it was raining hard and as I was organizing my umbrella the door opened.  I hardly stepped in when I was not only in the hall but also the living room and nearly in the kitchen.  As professor’s guest said it is a ’step saving’ apartment.  One step to the right from the entrance hall and you are in the kitchen two steps from the kitchen and you are in the master bedroom.  Five steps from the front door and you have reached the window to observe the most fabulous view of the Harbor.  One step from the couch (I must ask him how they got that to the 12^th floor it’s bigger than the elevator) and you are in the second bedroom which to some is really a built in robe.

Ahh but that’s Hong Kong for you, probably Asia actually.  You don’t need a lot of room, you don’t spend a lot of time at home, but you need a view.  That’s why we live in a big apartment in Happy Valley because we have no view.

I could imagine a weekend at the Professor’s reading “A room with a View”.  Not moving off that couch all weekend, if only he moved that fridge into the main living area.  Perhaps he could put that on rollers like the TV stand so you could just have easier access to the beer.

I’m so glad I got a real glimpse of a local apartment, you see us expats who supposedly come out here on big business budgets get shown ‘expat’ housing. Our accommodation all has it’s own set of price tags!

Thanks for a great dinner Professor, it was lovely meeting your mother, drinking wine, eating noodles and playing mahjong not all at the same time BUT we did do it all in the same spot!

What do you say to a woman who says to you “I don’t love him”?  Lots of things I guess, but what if you were still celebrating her wedding that day?  Not much comes to mind.

This is a story a friend told me the other day while she sipped another wine having just got over the wedding the night before.  She and her partner had been invited to the reception of two friends one of whom they knew quite well, well as can be expected. 

I guess my friend must have realized there something wrong because she told me a guest at the wedding toasted the bride and groom in the most unusual manner.  The toast was more a threat along the lines of you do anything to make life miserable for the bride and you will rot in hell.  I believe most of the guests at this point started to see the whole thing as a joke or the very least not going to last.  Divorce papers were being discussed before the bridal waltz was played.

It is said that the bride was a bit worse for wear and during most of the speeches she had her head down ‘resting’ no doubt from the enthusiasm of being a new bride.  Well at least at this wedding there was more alcohol flowing I am told than the recent Beer Festival my husband attended in Tsing Toa.  He tells me he didn’t see any beer there.  Well apparently there was no beer from other countries and that’s what it was being called ‘The Tsing Toa International Beer Festival’.  Perhaps that’s because the beer got drunk at the wedding where my friend was?

A few of the wedding guests hung back because it was clear the bride and groom had nowhere to go so the stragglers offered to take them on to a bar in the bar district. It’s at this place the bride whispered across the table to my friend “I don’t love him”.  Those that hung back witnessed the bride lash out at a late arriving guest who she accused of trying to have it off with her new husband.  I’m confused she didn’t love him so why would she care?

I don’t know one can only feel confusion, especially as my wedding day was the happiest day of my life.  I didn’t drink I didn’t need to I was so high on life that day I came across as drunk.  Well at least one of my friends accused me of this months later.  It was too bloody hot to drink and the beer would have been warm more than I can say about Tsing Toa where there was none.  I guess I’ve never experienced anything in Australia where there wasn’t a beer around.  I do miss my Ice beer, Coopers Ale and the odd VB at the London in Balmain.

I’m glad I married someone I love and occasionally have a Tsing Toa with or a San Miguel. 

PS I wrote this letter from Hong Kong about five years ago – and the friend I mention is me! – I was the person that experienced this whole wedding – it’s funny now but at the time! oh boy, oh boy what a disaster.

Some years back I went to Government House for a Wine Tasting and silent Auction.  I helped out during the day in setting up the event.  It was a real treat for me to go into this place with hardly anyone around and have a feel for such an historical home.

The most interesting thing about it was that this place was so similar to buildings in my hometown Melbourne.  It has the flavour of old Treasury House in Melbourne, and a déjà vu of the Windsor Hotel. The Governors home in Sydney is somewhat similar.  In any event the architect of the house must have had the same influences of many of those old ‘British’ style buildings.

It’s quite different influence than say Macau where you get déjà vu for say Spain.  Let us not forget Hanoi where you think of Paris.

In any event it was lovely night and the elegance of the room will stay with me for a long time. 

The pleasant surprise for me was to taste to wines from home I did not know about – one from Tasmania an excellent Riesling.  I also tasted a wine from the Frankland River area in WA.  I tend to stick to Australian wines and am quite partial to Sonoma and South African.  I feel I have less knowledge of French and Italian.  And it seems all those Friday night dinners with my ex flat mate Rob of Beef and Burgundy Fame are paying off. 

Now only in Hong Kong can I boast I bought a silent auction package for half its value and sold one of the Pashmina shawls that night thereby reducing my expenses!!  After the entire package had too many shawls and I didn’t need three but I do need the facial and the personal trainer!!