What time is it?

Occasionally I would run into my friend Michael who was the program manager for 3AW-radio personality Derryn Hinch.  If you asked Michael how work was going he would say, “what time is it?” which meant did he still have a job.

 

Sometimes I think of that when it comes to my husband’s life in the tech industry.  But even in these uncertain times I am convinced that the world needs people like him and there will always be a tech industry from now on and though they call it the new economy in a few years it must be seen differently.  It will be part of the old economy no different from a brewery, automobile maker or the Golden Arches.

 

How new are those industries, not that much newer but still part of the old economy.  So give it a few years and Computers will be part of the old economy.  What’s different is that they are more and more in our homes than ever before and at a faster rate than a happy meal was.  I think therefore that makes the new economy more frightening for a lot of people.

 

With the type of work my husband does he tells me he will always be travelling.  So now nearly five years into being married I am used to asking “will you be here next week?”  Sometimes when I’m frustrated with the fact he’s around I ask little questions like “are you travelling soon?”  One of my good friends married to a similar travelling husband would say nicely “haven’t you got some country to visit next week”.

 

Deb and I both love our husband and both feel we had married the right person, we are both in love with our men.  BUT just having a little break every month is also good for the marriage.  In fact sometimes I wonder if that’s why our marriages are so good.  The travelling gave us, our space, our freedom and independence.  Now I don’t think this is for everyone but given both Deb and I married later in life we were used to doing our own thing.

 

My desk is messier when he’s not around, my activities don’t seem to be scrutinized as much and most importantly I can hang out at the computer longer while he’s away.  We share the office area so with him around home (especially as now he is trying a work from home program for the company) I cannot come into the office if he’s working there.  The big sighs and the earplugs in his ear are enough to warn me off.  Now he tells me the earplugs are only there because I tend to bash the keyboards.  My excuse is I type fast. 

 

I do like it when he travels I can make as much noise and mess as I like, I only have myself to answer to.  It’s a bit like having no parent around!

 

It does get down when they are away and a whole bunch of couples are doing something so you feel you should not intrude.  But then again sometimes it’s hard when a whole bunch of women do something and you feel you should stay home because DH (darling husband) has been on the road for 3 weeks.  You feel you should spend time with him.  Why don’t they choose a week to see a movie when he’s out of town!

 

This travelling of a spouse makes for an interesting marriage, it can be stressful but it can also be fun.  You learn to make major decisions like what school your child should attend or where you are going to live without your partners input. You learn all about fixing trains, transformer toys and that your children use your husband’s absence to get things they want. You learn to call on others when the computer shows signs of stress.  You learn to store up those unanswered questions till when he comes home and pick the right time to bring it up.  You learn not to pounce on a tired hungry jet lagged husband with a problem till at least 24 hours.  You learn that when it comes to big questions you and your husband are often the only ones that care and the company really doesn’t.

 

So if you choose this life, think carefully because a travelling spouse is not around to help you change a nappy (diaper), convince a child lettuce is good for them or help you do the taxes!

 

Speak like the locals

Today I was out and about and I had been talking to a lady when her cell phone went off.  She started conversing in Mandarin.  Here was a chance to see how much I understood.  Guess what?  I was shocked to find I understood a lot more than I thought I would.  Certainly they were small phrases my teacher had taught me like “I don’t know” “correct correct” “you are welcome”  “thank you” – but hey I remembered and it’s been five years since I lived in Hong Kong.

For nearly six weeks I had Mandarin lessons at home in Hong Kong in the hope to learn the language.  It was offered to us by my husbands company, and as my children were young and I was somewhat housetrapped I decided to take advantage of the opportunity.  I already speak three languages so I was willing to learn another.  The children were young and in time it was too hard.    However, my teacher discovered that I really wanted to learn my numbers and how to bargain in Chinese.  It was fun learning how to count.  It was more fun to be acknowledge and talk in Chinese to local vendors and shop owners.  I loved that aspect of learning the language.  It certainly gave me way to connect with others.  I highly recommend learning the local language – though I have to warn you this is a natural phenomena for expats to feel more at ease in their new surrounds they learn the language.  Unfortunately, it is known that when the expat cannot master the language depression can set in.  Depression is high in expats, especially the spouse that is not working.

Communication Skills

 

I have been here nearly three years and have learnt very little Cantonese.

 

I can get home – I know my address, suburb and apartment block number.  I can say this one and stop! Most Taxi drivers who speak English will congratulate me on my pronunciation.  I am told my pronunciation is very nice and that’s because I’ve had years of practice.  I have attempted to learn, up the hill, to the left and private road.  But my brain just seems to cope with the address and that’s it.

 

For nearly three years I have been using the wrong form of thank you.  I was taught the polite way by one of the guards only to learn I was saying the thank you, you should use when receive money.  Great mate!

 

For five months I had a Mandarin teacher.  I was told Mandarin was easier to learn than Cantonese. Cantonese has 9 tones, Mandarin only three.  But I stopped the lessons once I learned the most helpful bit that being: “How much is that” and how to negotiate in RMB prices.  I needed to go bargain shopping in Beijing.  A useful tool I can assure any expat wife!

 

My children are learning Mandarin and school and I believe it is working because recently one of them pointed to a Chicken in the market and gave the Mandarin name for it.  Totally took me by surprise but made me realise that perhaps they are learning more than I thought.

 

They go to school with other local children; it is an English based school.  I allow certain television programs to be viewed in Cantonese.  So even though we are not sure, my husband and I believe that they must know some basic words.  My husband certainly distinguishes the swear words, having pointed out that that is what one of our neighbours was swearing when our children made too much noise in the foyer.  I think he has learnt these in office conversation class II.

 

I really have no excuse for not wishing to learn more.  I have the time, some might say, I have the ability to learn languages as I speak two other foreign languages. I have little need now days for my Dutch or German. I am known to reprimand my children in Dutch. More recently here when I was conversing with a German in German he asked if I was Dutch.  Apparently my German has a Dutch accent.   Funny that.

 

So all in all after nearly three years in Hong Kong I decided a long time ago I just needed to know in Cantonese, where I live so I can always get home.  At home I have English TV programs, videos, cable channels, newspapers & friends so I have no need to learn Cantonese.    But I could do with a good bit of SBS to keep up my other languages.

 

Xiajian Saskia

Not been back

I’ve not been back to Hong Kong in over five years.  I’ve returned to Australia during that time, but when I left Hong Kong I knew I really had no desire to return.  I have friends in Hong Kong who have returned numerous times after their expat assigments had ended.

My reasons for not returning are numerous.  It was time for me to leave I was getting angry with the locals, if one more person pushed or shoved me in the street or stood in front of me as I waiting for a traffic light to change I think I was going to yell.  My tolerance level had reached boiling point.  It was either me or them that had to go and i guess it was me!  Sad but true.  I had been warned before by other expats that they had got to this same breaking point.  I wonder if this is a naturally point at which expats come to when living in a country they are not toally accepted or welcome in.

There have been times I’ve considered returning for a visit because my children want to go back and see places they remember.  They want to visit their old pre-school, Ocean Park and markets that hold memories for them.  I can handle that I feel but go back and do the expat thing not quite belong to the community? I don’t think so.

Little Old Ladies

Well I returned home last week and I’ve been faced with writing a letter from Hong Kong and it’s like what do I say….  What do I write about?  What do my readers want to hear about?  I really find it hard, writers block I guess.

 

It is so mixed when I return from any place where my children can walk barefoot on the grass, breathe relatively fresh air and get fun out of watering the lawn.  Here life is full of what TV shows, coloring books and videos. The thought of going to the park (Concrete Park) is exhausting, and even if we did go the boys would be telling me that it’s too hot.

 

The first three days I stayed home, apart from avoiding the heat also the rush.  In the US someone accidentally bumped me and they apologized.  I knew I was definitely in reaction to the whole thing because I thanked them for apologizing.  Here bumping and pushing is all part of the process of going somewhere.

 

Asia has a calling to most people, and I hear that you will long for it when you go home.  But after 2.5 weeks in the US I was dreading the call.

 

I’ve learnt to push and shove to get a seat on the rail.  One of my friends says she knows she was here too long when she grabbed a little old lady, who was stealing her taxi and told her to wait for her own!  Shock, horror but after living here a while you will understand why she did it.  One of my friends showed off a fabulous bruise down the front of her forearm fighting off the umbrella of perhaps the same little old lady.  Motto: watch out for little old ladies in Hong Kong.  They have been here longer and know how to get their own seat or taxi at the cost of nothing, perhaps your pride.

 

On return from the US I had a number of email from readers looking at living here.  The question’s varied from how to get a job to can you live on a house boat in Hong Kong.  I am happy to answer questions via email. I also look forward to meeting Liza who will be joining the expat ranks.

 

Hong Kong is the New York of Asia I think.  You can have good days and bad days.  You meet some wonderful caring people and some you wonder what happened to them that made them so mad.

 

Just before we left on home leave we entertained four Navy personnel from the Cushing.  It was such a lovely evening, very interesting and pleasurable.  My husband and I felt that if we had never lived here we would never have had this wonderful experience.  To hear about their lives on board, the places they had served and the type of work they do was fascinating.  It was a pleasant break from fighting off little old ladies wielding umbrellas.