Revolving door friends

Some days I have to stop and ask myself did I mention that to my husband?  He travels so much that sometimes I forget if I informed him of a dinner invitation, child’s milestone or unpaid bill.  One year I forgot to tell him about a Ball I was co-chairing – so I took a date instead of him.

 

I often think of my husband as a friend first, husband second.  We have known each other over 25 years and married only 5 years ago.  This makes living this weird expat life easier I feel, because we have similar interests and old friends – the rest seems so incidental to our life at times.

 

Especially the new friends we are making.  I know he has a hard enough time to keep up with who these new friends are.  I will mention someone’s name and he looks quizzical at me as if to say “should I know them?”.  Sometimes I wonder if he should and other times I have to stop and think has he even met them since living here?

 

So often conversations are filled with tit bits to bring him in the picture with what I’m planning for us.  It is usually necessary for me to preface my story with how we know the person.

 

I think that in our time of living here we have met many people and I for one has met even more.  We have also seen many people leave and just disappear it seems, gone to another country without a question or a good bye.

 

Last year it seemed the doors were not revolving doors but more like swinging doors.  In / out went our friends in a matter of three months early 2000.  This year it has been less perhaps I have become more cautious in whom I select as someone we should socialize with.  Perhaps it has become more obvious to me who is definitely on the move and who is staying long term.   It is also obvious to me that those that are hear for the long haul often do not associate with short-term assignees.

 

The doors that open with all sorts of friends are varied.  Expats who have done it before, first timers at this game, dinks, expats with kids, empty nesters, singles and let us not forget the newly weds all trying in another country.  I have found that a great deal of the people that try this type of life tend to have a spouse from another country i.e. he’s American she’s German.  It makes sense to send these people overseas they have the travel bug already.

 

Revolving door friends is hard on some people; you feel you are repeatedly telling your life story.  Sometimes I feel like putting a tape in a machine and just fast forward to the appropriate answer to the question the new friend is asking.  

 

This lifestyle takes its toll on some so think twice if you are thinking of doing this, divorce is not uncommon and there is talk of an Expat Spouse Syndrome. I recommend you find books on your new home and read up on what to expect and what not.

 

Some people meet a good buddy once they arrive in their new home and that helps.  I’ve made lots of good friends but my “bestest” friend is my husband. He is often on the road but when he comes home we make time to catch up over dinner at our little club. 

 

If you see us at the Aviation club you’ll know not to interrupt because we’ll be catching up on what’s happened the last week.